Monday, 23 May 2016

How to Rebuild Your Marriage

Infuse love into your  marriage.

Trust is a critical factor in any marriage. Various issues can impinge on the trust your marriage relationship including broken promise infidelity and alcoholism.

If you are experiencing difficulty in your marriage that involves trust issues, you can take steps to rescue your relationship. However, it will need patience and real commitment to ignite the spark of your love for each other again.

If you and your spouse love each other, and you want to see your marriage work, then you could find the following steps helpful.

Decide to Rebuild Your Marriage

Whatever happened to cause a breach in your marriage relationship, you will have to decide how you want to proceed as a couple.  Begin identifying the main issues that are causing the problem in your marriage.

This could be a very painful time for both of you, and especially for the spouse who has been wronged. However, you will need to move from denial to facing the problem squarely, and decide what you want from your marriage.

Discuss Your Expectations of Your  Marriage

Both of you will have to decide on the type of marriage you desire from now on. This should not be a one-sided decision but should reflect the needs, goal,  and desires of both of you. You must be committed to move from blame in spite of who is at fault.

Be ready to start to make the necessary changes in your relationship  to improve and enrich your marriage. One important goal should be to build trust in your marriage. This should begin with complete openness and  confession of  things that could undermine your marriage.

Improve Your Communication Patterns

This means actively listening to each, trying to understand your spouse’s deepest needs.  At the same time, you need to be assertive and express your own needs.

Healthy communication is essential re-build trust in your marriage as it helps you to understand each other better. It is through actively listening to each other that you can understand each other's point of view to express genuine compassion.

Get to Know Your Spouse Better

Become more attuned to each other’s need to increase intimacy in the marriage. Spend time together and make an effort to share in each other’s interests.

For you to get to know each other better in the deepest sense, you will both need to cultivate transparency. This is being able to show your true feelings, and at the same time giving your spouse permission to be honest with his or her feelings.

Forgive, Let go of Past Hurts, and Move on

It is likely that this is the most difficult step to take, but it is critical. You will need to deal with resentment and bitterness, choose to forgive, and make a fresh start. It is extending grace, that is undeserved.

Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing the wrong that was done or even denying the pain that you feel. It is about making a conscious decision to let go of deep resentment which will not only hurt the relationship but cause you further pain.

Get the Help You Need To Re-build Your Relationship

You might need a trained married therapist to help you and your spouse to work through the issues, for example, when trust is broken. This might means exploring the underlying problems such as trust issues.

Unresolved family-of-origin issues might be explored. The therapist  would need to consider your relational resources to start the transformation from negative practices to more positive ones.

What is critical to all these steps is you and your spouse’s commitment to make your marriage work. This commitment will be the fuel that enables you to push ahead and enjoy a loving and satisfying marriage relationship.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at

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